There is nothing more important than a strong mother-nanny relationship. It is this relationship that is the most strained, tested and tried throughout a nanny’s working experience with a family.

Here’s the reality of the situation at hand: As a mother, you want to find someone who is dependable, nurturing, supportive and spirited–who will take care of your children as if they were her own. But, wait. Isn’t that a lot to ask? And, aren’t you paying the nanny to do just that? Being a nanny is a job after all, but it can become quite a confusing situation for everyone involved.

Mothers, Resist the Guilt Trip

It’s natural for nannies to wake up in the morning; make breakfast, pack lunches, get the kids to school, pick them up and play an occasional game of basketball out back. If not the parents engaged in these activities, then who else but the nanny? As a parent, you pretty much have to learn to cope and accept the fact that your nanny is there to read to your children at bedtime and enjoy fun conversations while driving the children back and forth from soccer practice. The fact of the matter is that you hired your nanny to assist in carrying out these daily deeds.

You may feel subordinate, at times, in the company of your skilled caregiver, or, maybe even jealous of your nanny’s special bond with your children. All said and done, with time, you will come to accept and appreciate your nanny’s extra set of hands and know that that regardless of the circumstances–your children are bonded to you for life.

Comfortable Delegation to Nanny

Delegation doesn’t come naturally to a lot of people. There is the old saying, “If you want something done right, do it yourself.” As a parent, you must learn to abolish this statement after nanny is hired. Once you leave the house for the day, make it a point to focus on your work day and trust that your nanny is competently attending to matters with your children, home and pets. Forget about micromanaging your children’s schedules, your nanny’s schedule and masterminding every point in between. This will get you no where fast and even drive you crazy at a point. Not to mention, your caregiver may begin to feel like her efforts are all for not if you continually undermine her authority. Relax and enjoy the fact that you have a hired hand to assist with the day’s activities. When you come home, your children will be there for you with open arms just as you left them in the morning. Children are intuitive enough to understand the sacrifices you make.

Nanny as Disciplinarian 

When the nanny and you sit down in your very first interview, it’s important to establish basic lines with regard to the best way to handle disciplinary practices. There’s always going to be time to adjust the rules; as incidents arise this creates the perfect forum to discuss the situation for the next time around. Still you need to address specific parameters from the get go: Do you approve of time-outs? What about other forms of punishment? How about withholding a favorite snack? No more sleepovers with that best friend for the rest of the month? Hammer out these disciplinary details with your nanny, from the beginning, to avoid potential issues and misunderstandings.

Softy vs. Hard Line

As a parent, you might find it convenient to play “the good mom” while the nanny takes the hard line with regard to disciplinary tactics. If this is the way you choose to handle things, hold on. Not only are you going to lose respect and credibility with your nanny and your children (yes, children are that perceptive), but you are creating nothing less than complete confusion and hard feelings for everyone involved.

For example: Let’s say you are naturally laissez-faire and tend to walk around, outdoors, a lot of the time barefoot. If your children see you doing this on a regular basis, then they will assume they can do it, too. However, your hired nanny instructs them, under all circumstances, to put shoes on their feet before going out the door. What?  Practically speaking, doesn’t good common sense dictate that it’s in the best interest of your children’s safety and health to wear shoes outdoors? Talk about confusing. How are your children supposed to know what to do when you as a parent are doing the exact opposite of what is instructed of them by their nanny?

Situations of this nature need to be ironed-out with your nanny on a case-by-case basis. If a nanny is doing her very best to protect your children and look out for their well being–what is she to do when you undermine her authority and good efforts as a caregiver?

Give this some thoughtful consideration and then do your best to figure out the proper example to set for your children, at all times–just as your nanny was hired to do when she accepted your job offer. Period.