As a parent, the moment you walk out the door, immediate doubts and fears probably begin to surface regarding the fact that you are leaving your children in the care of someone else. The questions come, hard and fast: Will she remember that soccer practice starts at 5pm and not 6? Is the latch on the gate at the top of the stairway locked? Will she hold my child’s hand as they cross the street? And the list goes on. This is all very normal and acceptable, but don’t get too carried away and resist going down this path too often. Once you doubt your nanny, an overprotective nature is bound to take over.

This section provides information for parents and nannies about the process of keeping your children safe in the home (and nanny sane on the job). 

Show Confidence in Your Nanny

As parents and employers, you must make a concerted effort to maintain a general level of confidence in your nanny and her childcare abilities. If you do not, she will sense this and that will unleash a completely different set of problems.

When you interviewed and ultimately hired your nanny, you surely recognized and appreciated her overall sense of character, demeanor and fun-loving qualities. You must continue to do so. Unless you sense something completely out of the ordinary, or you catch your nanny in a situation that is highly questionable, you must trust in your nanny’s judgment and abilities. Your positive attitude will allow your nanny to carry out her daily duties with a sense of confidence, loyalty and freedom. If your nanny trusts you, then, ultimately, you have no reason to mistrust her. Most importantly, always remember that if your nanny is happy, then your children will be happy and your home will be a place you are eager to come home to.

Out of the House

Many parents, themselves, are terrified of driving and navigating through city streets, side streets and unknown freeways. Because of this personal fear, some parents don’t allow their childcare providers to drive or take any form of public transit. In which case, nanny and children are literally expected to walk everywhere, within a mile radius of the home. If this sounds like a healthy situation, then you might want to do some re-evaluation.

For one thing, it is completely unrealistic to think that most childcare providers are going to be happy and content never going outside the bounds of a one mile radius of the home. Secondly, it’s healthy for children to be involved in cultural and educational aspects of life outside the home. If you are, perhaps, a bit “neurotic” in this area, try to unleash the reins of insecurity a bit. 

For starters, consider allowing your nanny to have just a little freedom with the children. Perhaps a science museum or lunch downtown? Maybe a fun, animated movie for kids? Once your nanny has proven she is capable, then maybe it won’t be so hard to extend more activities to the boundaries outside walking distance from the home. This will show your nanny that she is trusted. This can make all the difference in having a nanny who is happy, or a nanny who is constantly guarded and on-edge. If she senses you have doubts in her abilities and judgment, she will feel the same way towards you as a parent.

The Notorius Nanny Cam

If you must resort to a device of this nature, it’s best you let your nanny go in peace to start with. Really.

Yes, this is an age of fear and high anxiety, as you never know who you can trust. With that said, parents who resort to spying on their nannies for proof and reassurance are certainly not helping the situation. If a nanny discovers she is being monitored via nanny cam, this will do nothing but completely blow every semblance of loyalty, respect and trust she may have once felt for you. It is understandable that, occasionally, a parent may be curious to see how a nanny and child interact, unsupervised. If this is what you’re after, then come home early, relax in another room, and simply listen and observe on the low-down. But, never, ever resort to a covert nanny cam operation. In a nutshell: This is the kind of stuff they write about in the movies it’s so atrocious–you are better than that.

Nannies Make Mistakes, Too

Everyone is going to make a mistake now and then–even your nanny. In most cases, accept it and get over it (sorry, but that is the brutal truth).

On the other hand, if mistakes continue and escalate, then you must address the issue. For example: Your nanny forgets to pack your son’s lunch for school and then absent mindedly forgets to retrieve your daughter from soccer practice the same day. This type of blunder needs to be addressed, immediately. There might be something amiss in your nanny’s life which is causing preoccupation. You might want to say, “Is everything okay with you–you seem a little out of sorts, lately?” In doing so, you are showing your nanny that you are aware things might be slightly askew and you want to help. If the incidents become a regular occurrence and they are upsetting to the children as well as you, your nanny must make a concerted effort to reform. Still, always remember that in the midst of a busy day of errands, laundry, childcare and pet duty, the mind can become jumbled; forgetting one minor thing a week certainly isn’t the end of the world.

Behind the Wheel

Understand that a nanny with a driver’s license is truly invaluable. Here’s why: She will be able to pick up the kids at school, take them to soccer practice, take the dogs to the groomer, vet and dog park, run personal errands for you (such as the dry cleaners–time permitting), etc. Inevitably, some parents would prefer to do all the running around themselves rather than bring another driver into the picture. This is all fine and dandy, but don’t complain about being rushed when you have the resource to help out in your nanny.

If you are unsure about your nanny’s driving ability, there’s nothing wrong with checking her driving skills. For your affirmation, take her out for a dry run to places where she will likely to be driving, such as the school or grocery store. If you are not pleased with the way she rolls through stop signs or parks curbside, then let her know. Either way, don’t feel apologetic for checking her driving skills. You are placing the lives of your children in her hands. Any qualified nanny will respect the fact that you are paying due diligence on behalf of your children.

One final note with regard to transport: There can be serious issues on the homefront if your nanny is expected to run errands and handle your children’s transportation with her own car while paying for her own gas. You absolutely must pitch-in on gas expense or allow your nanny to use a family vehicle. In this day and age with escalating fuel costs, it can become extremely costly to shuttle children about on a weekly basis. Keep your nanny’s gas and transportation allowance fair to maintain a nanny that is happy on the job.

The Oblivious Family Employers

In this crazy day and age, when people work 18-hour days, deal with corporate politics, navigate daily traffic, manage health concerns, juggle home repairs, the mortgage payment, etc., it is all too easy to become entirely too self-absorbed. It could very well be that your nanny is doing everything within her physical and mental abilities to assist in making your home run smoothly, but it just isn’t meeting up to your expectations. Have you ever thought that it might be you and not your nanny who is at fault?

It’s a sad truth, but some household employers simply are all too oblivious, self-absorbed and thoughtless when it comes down to matters in the home: After a long day at work, it’s easy to forget that there is someone working, daily, to manage the home and attend to matters involving the children. 

Take a close look at your personal situation: If you are the type of individual who rushes out the door at 7a.m., cell phone to ear, fourteen hour day at the office, head to the gym for a quick workout, drive home and eat a hurried dinner prepared by nanny, finish-up phone calls and paperwork and then flop into bed at 11pm (only to wake up at 6 a.m. to start the whole process over the next day)…if this is the case with you, or anything remotely similar, it’s high time you realign your priorities. Accept it and deal with it.

Don’t expect your nanny to bend over backward too much longer. The fact of the matter is probably that your nanny may be doing more than she bargained for and she is probably looking for a new job or plotting how to get out of her current work situation…assess the reality of the situation from time to time and make the necessary adjustments to make the situation copacetic for everyone involved.