Nannies and families alike: Once you have initiated the nanny-employer relationship, and begin to settle in for the long haul, pay special attention to the evolution of the relationship within the first three-to-six months. This time frame is critical with regard to evaluating workload and responsibilities.

Stages in a Nanny’s Life

Initially, nannies and families transition through what is referred to as the ”honeymoon stage.” During this stage, the family and nanny will get to know one another as the nanny accepts household chores, handles requirements and may even offer suggestions to help the household run efficiently and effectively. Early, in a nanny’s employment she will work hard and do her very best to prove her domestic capabilities as well as the all important task of caring for the children on a daily basis.

After the passing of another month or two, the nanny will find herself fully immersed in daily duties, and the parents will be back to focusing on work life and personal life fully confident in the nanny’s ability to handle matters at home. 

This is when things tend to slide. Many nannies find that after three to four months, they have taken on far more than their fair share of the family workload. To compound matters, the family, without realizing it, may become overly comfortable with the assistance of the added hand around the house (to the point of becoming borderline lazy).

Taking Nanny for Granted

Prior to leaving your home at 6pm, with children in tow, your nanny has already put in a full day’s work: She has diligently washed and folded all the family’s clothing, returning every shirt, pair of socks and underwear to their proper drawers; placed a chicken in the oven for for the night’s dinner; swept and vacuumed the house; took the dogs to the groomers; handled two back to school shopping errands; placed a call to get a plumber to the house, ASAP, the following morning, etc. Upon entering the home later in the evening, after soccer practice, nanny finds empty glasses, and papers strewn about; the kitchen counters littered with crumbs, empty cans and containers, etc…Now, wait, wasn’t the house immaculate at 6pm?

A nanny takes a lot upon herself to balance housework with child care. Even if your children are of school age, and gone for five hours a day, that doesn’t mean your nanny is a built-in housekeeper. (If she is expected to handle housekeeping while the children are in school make that very clear during the hiring process and within the nanny job description).

The Nanny Evaluation Stage

At a point, a nanny may begin to wonder about a lot of things: Did she take on too much? Is she incapable? She will begin to wonder if, perhaps, you are simply not the right family for her. This stage of your nanny’s life is referred to as the nanny ”evaluation stage.”

Unfortunately, many times families do not even pick up on subtle hints nanny’s drop. For example, if your nanny neglects to attend to domestic matters as she once did or she quits bopping around the house with the light, bubbly attitude, most likely the situation within the home is taking a toll on her peace of mind.

Another month passes and your nanny has managed to tolerate the situation. However, there is noticeable tension within the home and a breaking point is in the works. Your nanny is on the verge of quitting or cracking. This leads up to the “adjustment stage.”

The Nanny Adjustment Phase

The honeymoon is over: Long hours, an unbelievable load of daily chores, chauffeur service with unlimited miles (provided in her own car) and errands she never, technically, agreed to run. Your nanny is not only childcare provider and housekeeper, but she is also the personal assistant, house manager and dog sitter. No additional wages provided. Nannies who experience the unsettling notion that they have “been had” begin to develop a negative attitude simply because they have no choice in the matter.

It’s not only time to have a meeting of the minds, it’s beyond time. The out of control situation in the home has to be addressed.

Reassessing Nanny’s Duties

If you and your nanny did not commit to a formal employment contract or a nanny job description (both, highly recommended to avoid any and all troublesome situations regarding hours, workload and salary) then it’s time to do your homework to come up with a more realistic situation for everyone involved.

As a parent, if you honestly feel that your nanny is simply not doing that much around the house, then you must make a list of the duties you feel your nanny should be able to perform within a day’s time. Moreover, it is highly recommended that you visit the section within this website dealing with nanny work agreements and nanny job descriptions.