There’s no way to avoid them; tricky, sometimes embarrassing and awkward situations come up fairly frequently within the household between nannies and their employers. This section will highlight potential situations and provide information and tips on how to directly deal with the inevitable.

What is a Tricky Nanny Situation?

A “tricky” nanny situation is anything that rubs you or the parents the wrong way. It might be an insensitive comment (either absent-mindedly placed or purposefully placed); an overly vocal and passionate debate regarding politics or religion, misplaced money, a vanished set of diamond earrings, imagined flirtations between husband and nanny, etc. When situations of this nature arise, it is best to attack them, directly, on the spot. If the family and nanny do not address issues, immediately, with apologies or honest conversation, there is a very good chance these unfortunate situations will fester, build-up and ultimately ruin an otherwise healthy and happy work partnership.

Politics, Religion and Other Personal Beliefs

You prefer Obama and your employers prefer McCain. You are a Christian nanny who goes to church on Sundays; the family has never been inside a church temple. You are an advocate for strict gun control, the father of the household stores a gun in his dresser drawer. You drink only on the holidays, the mother drinks a bottle of wine, nightly. You get the picture. When there are obvious differences in opinion and lifestyle amongst you and the parents in the home, it can often lead to tension, misunderstandings and all-out debates. But, it doesn’t have to be this way.

The main thing to remember is that both, the parents and nanny, have to maintain a level of respect for one another’s personal choices and opinions. There’s the wise corporate working world advice that clearly states: ”Refrain from all discussions of politics and religion in the workplace.” Well, there’s a darn good reason for this sound advice–it alleviates unforeseen circumstances at the source.

Same goes for the nanny, and parents: Personal differences are the last thing that should sabotage your work relationship. Instead, for all practical purposes, keep your discussions focused on matters within the household, such as the children, the day’s activities and weekly schedule. In doing so, you will avoid the temptation to blurt out something better left unsaid.

“Harmless” Flirtations

It’s a fact of human nature that as adults we all face daily temptations and even the possibility of sexual come-ons. The problem, within the household, is that when uncomfortable situations arise (even a hint of questionable conduct) they can wreak havoc on an otherwise perfectly happy home life.

It’s not unheard of for a mother to become unglued by a younger sitter’s good looks, charm and all too-perfect body. As a nanny, there’s not a lot you can do other than clothe yourself as non-seductively as possible. With that stated, who likes to walk around looking unkempt and frumpy? The bottom line: It’s wise to use good judgment with regard to how you dress and display yourself in front of the children and your employers (nobody really wants a bunch of cleavage, staring in their faces, anyway). As a nanny, if you are craving this sort of attention then save it for the bar scene on the weekends when you are off-duty.

As far as your relationship with the mother and father in the home: It is best to keep your relationship confined to business parameters. Avoid the occasional cocktail with the family as it will only lead to loose tongues and looser inhibitions. The children are your purpose for being in the home, so keep your focus confined to that area.  

The Internet and Long Distance Calls

If you are a live-in nanny, or even a part-time nanny working in the home, do your part to show respect for the family’s personal property and household equipment. If you are granted the opportunity to utilize the Internet, make darn sure you are keeping your Internet searches clean and respectful. One simple unsavory Internet search or one regretful email can all but end your nanny career (by the way, families will often track your email keystrokes and Internet histories. Be smart and professional when on the job). 

As far as personal phone calls, if you need to make a long distance phone call, be certain to let your employers know and offer to reimburse them when the bill arrives, and keep calls at a minimum (you should discuss this with your employer). Better yet, use your own cell phone or home phone for communication purposes. In doing so, you will keep things within the home simplified and separated, avoiding potential issues, altogether. Above all, never take outright advantage of privileges offered to you by your employer. In many cases, parents are not bothered by the money aspect, but rather they are disturbed by the uneasy feeling that you are taking advantage of their thoughtful offers.

The General Feeling of Deception

The feeling of deception, real or imagined, can really put a tremendous strain on the nanny-family bond:  Items continually come up missing; drawers appear to be rifled through, clothing comes back from the dry cleaners with stains, alcohol bottles emptied over the weekend, etc. As a nanny, keep your business centered, as much as possible, in your own room. It is assumed that your room is your personal space. So, with all due respect, extend the same courtesy to your employer (this will alleviate unnecessary misunderstandings and finger-pointing).

All Fingers Point to Nanny

Yes, there is an undeniably huge issue at hand: It’s tricky living in someone else’s home and having the outright burden of cleaning up after every member of the family on a daily basis; washing, folding and putting away clothing in each family member’s personal dresser drawers and closets, being asked to comb the house for a set of missing keys, digging through drawers and lifting couch cushions to located a child’s misplaced cell phone or wallet, etc. As a nanny, these extra chores can put you in compromising positions. One day a situation escalates: A set of gold cuff-links has disappeared from the master bedroom. Suddenly, everyone in the family conveniently points a finger at you, the nanny. As if you had any interest digging around in the father’s underwear drawer! Really? But, what are you going to do about it? 

Pitiful situations of this nature actually happen on a fairly consistent basis, so be prepared. The only thing you can do is make a matter of fact statement that you didn’t see anything of the sort. And, if you had, you would have made it a point to return it to the logical place where it belonged as you always do (and where it should have been in the first place!)

If the employer wants to blame you–fine. Don’t get angry or defensive. When the item turns up, the individual who lost it will, hopefully, issue an apology and clearly realize that you are a nanny and a human being with a true sense of integrity.

Nannies and parents: Again, it all goes back to respect for each other’s personal property. If everyone is honest and respectful, this will alleviate almost every potential issue that could strain an otherwise solid nanny-family relationship.

Resist All Temptations

Let’s say you are putting your employer’s freshly washed, folded clothing away when you spot a new bottle of perfume on her dressing table. You’ve wanted to try it out for a long time, so you think: “Why not just one squirt?” One little squirt isn’t that big a deal, right? Sure, but that is beside the point. First of all, the item isn’t yours and wasn’t offered to you. Secondly, who’s to say that one little squirt won’t lead to a squirt the next day, the following day, as well as on the weekends? If you must, go ahead and pick up the bottle and smell the perfume. Then, take your paycheck on Friday and head to Macy’s and buy two bottles if you like. You get the point? The best policy is to stick to your own property and mind your personal space and business. Avoid temptations at all costs.